The right turn at the wrong places

There are times...and there are trying times. Times in the life of a quintessential human being when he has to do things that may not always be out of choice or conviction. Actions that are taken because they have to be. And while there is a larger goal...a bigger wider picture that this may be a pixel of, it doesn't always come across as that. Time and again, it seems to be an ineffectual part that makes you wonder whether one is on the right path. And while the destination should not be the only endeavour, losing sight of the goal to such a level that one reaches a point of no return isn't the smartest of ideas.

The actions of an individual could have various triggering criteria: family, friends, compulsions, the job, aspirations, dreams and life itself. One could end up doing things to please the near and dear ones rather than themselves. You cannot shy away from them and you need to do what you need to do. It may look like it is not a very smart thing to do at face value. But, if you dig deeper, you find that it was all for that bigger picture. The flip side of this is that we sometimes tend to lose sight of the present if we keep an eye only on the future. We cannot see tomorrow, it lies around the bend. But, we can make our present more meaningful. The past should be treated just that: as the past. You should learn from it and move on. The present however, should be in line with what has to be achieved in the future.

We may do things after a lot of deliberation and due diligence. However, at the heart of this is that one impulsive decision that was taken at the onset of the thought process. Having decided to do that, we come up with supporting arguments.

A whole 365 days back, I took such an impulsive decision. An impulsive decision that was to mould my life in more ways than one. A decision that was to have a lot of repercussions...positive and otherwise.

Rewind to the November of 2003. The impending edifice with its sparkling glass facade was a mirror to the impending future. Or so I believed. In the end, it was a bitter-sweet experience. When things got out of hand and restlessness grew to a high pitch, I packed by bag, started the bike and rode down to Mumbai. That single ride of around 200 kms was to define life in more ways than one.

It was a new place. A new place and new people is never a challenge. It is an opportunity. An opportunity to start on a new slate. A slate that has been cleaned. A canvas that is invitingly bare. To paint a picture with colours of your choice. To have a splash and a dab of your liking. To decide what you want. More or less.

At the same time, it is a new canvas. A nouveau tableau that replaces the past. Times that hold bitter sweet memories of the days gone by. Priceless moments that have had an indelible effect and should have be permanently etched.

The first impressions are more often than not the lasting impressions. As I reminisce those initial few days, I am filled with a feeling of warmth. The first few friends that I made have weathered the test of time and have meant a lot to me. And continue to do so...

Back then, I tried to do the impossible. I tried to hold on to the past as I ventured into the future. One leg on the jetty, the other in a moving boat. A bright future that could potentially overshadow the past with its brilliance. Akin to a 7 year old kid, I tried to hold on to all that lay in sight. Lest they be taken away from me. But as things kept coming in sight, all that was superfluous had to be placed aside. Placed aside with a heavy heart and a sense of separation.

Life took a turn. I walked along. At first, it seemed like a cul-de-sac. But there was light at the end of the tunnel. It could have been a mirage, my eyes and my mind playing games with me. But there was hope on my side. Hope. It is a funny thing. It is the guiding star, the ray of light that can lead you home. And so, I egged myself on.

Every once in a while, I turned and looked back. As I had walked along, I had also walked away. It wasn't a point of no return. There still was fuel in the tank. The long flight back could be achieved. But, there was a fire in the belly. A fire hitherto missing. Sieving through it all, the grain was separated from the chaff. The grain stayed on. The fire unknowingly took care of the chaff. The ashes however remained, charring the hands. The cinders resulting in burns on the hand.

But, there was that indomitable hope. The hope of a better tomorrow. The knowledge that the eerie night is nothing more than a prelude for a bright sunny day, beckoning a clean slate, devoid of the soot of the past.

As the sun rose bright and high, it filled the gloomy sky. The twilight making way for the sun to rise from the horiozon to take its rightful place in the sky.

As I wistfully look back at the year gone by, there are a lot of lessons to be learnt. Notes to be made and corrections to be effected. Learnings to be shared and joys to be re-lived. A few promises and a couple of resolutions. And last but not the least, the satisfaction in the mind of having taken the right turn at the wrong places!