The Facade

Life is so strange. I feel alone. Yet I had a good time today. I went out. I did many things. Yet at the end of the day, in the middle of the eerie night, I sit here in the middle of deep darkness. I wonder where life is leading me. I want to lead the path. I wish to show the light. Yet I find myself typing my thoughts. I cannot see the keys that I am typing. They feel as if they are shots in the dark. Yet I know that they are not. Everything seems to be moving according to the plan. Yet I find myself confused. I see the milestone.

Yet I want to make myself believe that I am not on the right path. I do not know whether it is plain apprehension. Or whether it is plain fear that is affecting me. Whatever it is, it is having a funny effect on me. I am losing that one important lesson that I learnt. To smile
The importance of a Smile. Something that I have been preaching to a few friends. I talk about the manner in which we can be successful, happy, and striving for more. Yet, at the same time, a peace of mind prevails that helps us tide through the tough times of life.
I know find that missing. I see that people believe that I am happy. The façade that I put up, they fall for it hook, line and sinker. They are envious and happy for me. Curious as to how one amongst them is doing that he is doing. But I guess that few see beyond the façade. I wonder if I can see through my own façade. I wonder if I can do that myself. As the day shines upon me, as the lights get back to normal, I wonder whether I can see through what the mirror is projecting out to me. I wonder whether I can see beyond what the world sees.
The satanic verses by the side, I wish to be the extra special. I wish to be the one that people look up to. Nevertheless, most importantly, I wish to be somebody that I want to be happy to see when I look into the mirror.
Someone without the façade. Someone whom I can have a look and say that what I see is what it is.
The thought behind the smile is easy to miss. The thought behind the enthusiasm is easy to miss. Thoughts behind the entire façade are easy to miss.
However, it is tough to miss the forlorn look occasionally. It is tough to miss the despondent expression occasionally. It is something that inflicts every one of us.

Optimism

What am I without it
What am I without it
it is what keeps me strong
it is what keeps me going

it eggs me on
to do the right thing
pushing me on stage
it makes me want to sing

it makes me want to reach out
making me want to touch the sky
it makes me want to spead my arms
making me want to fly

it makes me believe
someday i will get there
gives me the hope
someday will be my day

gives me the hope
someday will be my day...

- Max

Greed

Greed and malice in thy mind
what cometh upon thou
in thy bad times
thou too have to bow

- Max